I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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