I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
