Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
