i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
