the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
