OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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