Already got asked if we're dating
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
