I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
