he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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