A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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