i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
