Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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