Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I feel great
I just peed on a car
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
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