Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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