I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
