I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
