it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Randomize
