I'm going to jail i love you
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
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