My cat gives me a boner
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
