Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
