Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Randomize
