I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
