he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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