a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
only if we run a train.
done.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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