At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
