Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
