Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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