i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
