great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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