Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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