Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
