i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
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