well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
