She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
