Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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