I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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