When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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