Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
