I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
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