Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
