Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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