I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
