i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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