the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
