She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
