i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
