Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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