I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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