Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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