Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
