I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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