is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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