we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
