its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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